USA Today: "Royals 19th in power rankings... and hey, Bob, has the Internet officially killed us yet?"

I don't want to be a dick here, so I'll say off the bat that I give USA Today mad props for keeping baseball alive in the national conscience by writing about it in December. But this is one of the most pointless articles I've ever read. When you promise an "in-depth look at each team" ("Over the offseason, Sports Weekly will take an in-depth look at each team, bottom to top, in the order of our final 2008 Power Rankings"), you should deliver something better than this...

The Royals, who have had five winning seasons in the last two decades, believe they have a strong bullpen and a stabilized rotation and that they can bump up their run production.

This can be rewritten, "The Royals, who have won 204 games in the millennium's first three years -- but possibly fewer, depending on whether you're one of those millennium-begins-in-Year-2000 or No,-it-begins-in-2001,-you-idiot types -- believe they have a strong bullpen and a stabilized rotation and that they can bump up their run production," and still be no more or less informative.

According to Elias Sports Bureau, the Royals were 39-63 when teams started a right-handed pitcher against them in 2008. And the opponents' righties were 51-29 with a 3.72 ERA in 102 starts against the Royals.

Uh... okay.

DH Billy Butler hit .330 and .274 in each of the season's final two months. Outfielder Mark Teahen hit .313 with three home runs and 10 multihit games in his final 24.

Awesome!

The rest of this post will be written in USA Today style.

There is a man in Kansas City who is sometimes referred to as "The Man." Capital letters. Your Honor. D.C. The Ruaiyat of Omar Khayyam. PTA. It is not generally done for civil rights activists or lawyers or even presidents. It is only done with a few gods.

Respect.

And "The Man" in these parts is Dayton Moore. He is the general manager of the Kansas City Royals, a club used to losing. But he has a plan to turn it all around.

The Man speaks. We will end with him speaking, because when he speaks, people listen.

Meche and Greinke were among the AL's leaders in strikeouts, each with 183. Davies showed signs of the success he had with the Atlanta Braves a few years ago "because he's staying on the attack," Moore says.

So are the Royals.

"We showed improvement last season," Moore says. "And we think we are on the right track to be better next year."

POSTSCRIPT 1: We're sorry. Here's our make-up gift to you (left-click to change colors).

POSTSCRIPT 2: Royals Review has a cool survey worth checking out, Royals Confidence Index. Our answers: 10, 10, 10, 10, 20, 10, 10, 10.

POSTSCRIPT 3: And speaking of surveys, check out Ray W's award nominations on Royals on Radio Etc. Exercise your indubitable right to vote and together we'll raise our fists to tyranny!