Wednesday, August 22, 2007

How Dayton Moore snookered Scott Boras

With Mike Moustakas at Rookie League Idaho Falls, it's time we revisit the negotiation process that resulted in our hero Dayton signing the rookie for much less than his agent's ridiculous asking price.

Dialogue borrowed from Deadwood (Season 3, "True Colors," and a little from "Unauthorized Cinnamon"), with big ups to this very incredibly wonderful website.

Dayton: Seeing you, a stalwart routinely fixed upon irrational and, as sane men would say, implausible goals to the point of confusing such as myself for taking you as a kindred spirit, adrift and gelded of your willpower to strong-arm those you'd see bent to your inclination -- tell me, Mr. B, that you'd disagree the time for talk has not arrived by rudely plunking itself here, on this table, like an incised hog slipped from the butcher's knife.

SB: I regret we have to meet in this environment, sir, in your place of magic and whatever wonderment it is you see to, and I am humbled that you have chosen to compliment me here even as you call me swine.

Dayton: You are that.

SB: (Studies him.) I have come by changes, Mr. Moore. It is not often a man has shown before him the fault of his ways with such lucidity, yet by your grace it has shown itself, and I have seen your light.

Dayton: I’m sure whatever changes you allude to, Mr. B, will come clear from your behavior.

SB: Fresh start. (Chuckles.) How many men would be grateful for that opportunity? (Puts his hand on the Royals media guide.)

Dayton: Do you have more you wish to do with that, or shall we finish our business?

SB: Finishing our business is my lone heartfelt wish -- or perhaps it is a wish I feel heartily, as I am unsure, just now, I possess a heart.

Dayton: Your request for $7 million.

SB: A figure I mentioned to you, yes, in a conversation I regret.

Dayton: $7 million I recall as your demand, or your client would enroll at USC.

SB: Exactly what I regret and now find reprehensible and why I thank God that you take a new look at me.

Dayton: To this point, Mr. B, you make no materially different impression. Still lying, still bullshitting.

SB: I hope I’m not, sir, but I-- I can certainly understand why that would be your material second impression.

Dayton: Shall I show you the letter from the Moustakas family that I have in my possession?

SB: (Puts up his hands and leans back.) That’s not necessary from my point of view. You tell me you’ve got it, I believe you.

Dayton: Here it is. Will you compare it to your letter? Verify its authenticity?

SB: It’s not necessary.

Dayton: Shall I read to you certain pertinent sections on Mr. Moustakas’s assay of your nature and likely behavior after we, in good faith and with a warm, human trust, the kind which flies above you or is stamped by your boot even as you praise its virtues, drafted him second overall? His detailing your complicitous participation in his holdout in the aftermath of our drafting -- disposing of trust and our good faith? You have no commission from the Moustakas family, Mr. B.

SB: Let’s say that’s the case.

Dayton: I just did. Let’s hear you say it.

SB: I have no commission from the Moustakas family.

Dayton: You acted on your own accord.

SB: Mine alone.

Dayton: You’re a lying, blackmailing sack of shit.

SB: What do you want?

Dayton: I want us to work together.

SB: To work together?

Dayton: Let me confide as well, Mr. B, that when people repeat with exactitude the words I have just said to them, I quickly grow impatient.

SB: I do apologize.

Dayton: Four million and not a penny higher.

SB: Under the circumstances, how can I refuse?

Dayton: Get out of my office, you pinchbeck maggot.


  1. Wow--this is the sort of thing for which the Internets was invented. The only omission was a 'fellatious' reference or three.

    ...Although I guess the honest, forthright, and godly Dayton Moore-- not exactly a perfect proxy for the salacious, invective-inclined Al Swearingen--would fain to utter such foul vowels.

  2. he would not... would not indeed, the godly