Thursday, September 6, 2007

Why can't the Kansas City Royals own A-Rod?

It's a rhetorical question. If I were a Yankees blogger, here's what I would write:

Sometimes we wonder how the other half lives. Imagine you're a Kansan, settling in on Granma Ruth's bequeathed rocking chair in front of your dustless RCA CTC-5 after an honest day's work, rubbing the burn out of your wheat-stained hands and feeling conspicuously aware of a life passing by, when the man on the tube snaps you into a different reality -- his reality, which he creates with singularities so heavy they pull the whole of people in alternate realites into it, sucking first their breaths and then their senses, leaving them as Derek Jeter was on the top dugout step, staring aghast at the man for whom this world's reality holds no dominion, rendering else null and void. And then you, citizen of the Earth, Kansan by birth, would look upon your hands and not see the passing of your humble life but the potential contained within every hand and possibly wonder, Are these the hands of God? Are these the hands that lift New York upon empyreal shoulders? Why can't the Kansas City Royals own A-Rod? Can any entity, any earth?

He hit two home runs in the 7th inning yesterday. He and the Yankees come to town tomorrow for a three-game set.

POSTSCRIPT: Absolutely ridiculous comeback -- six runs in two innings, including three in the 9th after two were out -- that featured three bloop singles to the outfield, what can only be described as a "bloop hit" in the infield, a chopper high off home plate with two outs in the 9th, then a Sid Beam-like moment for the win. Find the highlights on if you can. There's a Philadelphia Inquirer column titled, "This one never should have gotten away." Personally, I think, "WHAT THE &$%#???" would have worked better. Maybe this is why I'm not an editor.

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