Don't forget to vote for your favorite Royals All-Stars

That's quite possibly the lamest post heading I've ever written, but then again... it's fitting, isn't it?

Remember: it still counts! The health of the nation is at stake! Forests! Prevent tuberculosis!

You may have heard -- or maybe not, I don't know why I presume such things -- that All-Star voting closes at midnight ET, so if you haven't already but would like to, go here and cobble together a couple of ballots. I voted for the AL All-Stars (my ballot below) and got so far as casting a vote for Derrek Lee for the National Leaguers before deciding it just wasn't worth my time. I mean, Eric Byrnes or Barry Bonds... must I really choose?

By the way, the AL has won nine straight, 10 if you count ties. Without further ado....

MY BALLOT:

c: Victor Martinez

This is kind of funny: Joe Mauer, who has only 3 HRs and 25 RBIs because he missed 29 games, actually has more at-bats than John Buck, who has 14 home runs and 27 RBIs. Hmm, why is that?

Also, Mauer's No. 2 in catcher voting, behind Ivan Rodriguez. Buck... well, he's nowhere near the top 5. If I were to guess, I'd say he has about 16 votes, give or take 20. That's far from Pudge... heck, even far from No. 5 in balloting, Martinez, who has 140,000 votes. (Martinez's stats: .318 with 14 homers and 62 RBIs. Pudge has him doubled up. But you didn't hear that from me.)

1b: David Ortiz

I thought pretty hard about voting for Ryan Shealy, but then I read what Poz had to say about it:

"If enough fans decided they would rather not see Fielder or Pujols, if they decided they would rather see Ryan Shealy start because they think it would be funny to see him strike out against Jake Peavy, hey, it’s the fans' game.

"The Ryan Shealy scenario, I realize, is pretty unlikely. Well, the part about him striking out against Jake Peavy is quite likely."

I'm not sure why, but that made me change my mind.

2b: Brian Roberts

Roberts is having a nice year, leading all second basemen in stolen bases and batting .322, just behind Placido Polanco's .324. You could make a decent argument for Polanco, or B.J. Upton, who was tearing it up before he got hurt, or Ian Kinsler and his 14 home runs, or even Dustin Pedroia, the young Boston second baseman who's batting .322. But no way -- no way -- should the starting spot go to Robinson Cano of the Yankees.

I'll give you one guess who's leading the balloting.

ss: Angel Berroa

I'm just kidding, I didn't actually write in Angel Berroa. But it doesn't matter, really. From now until the day he retires, unless he bats below .113 or is crippled, Derek Jeter will be the AL starting shortstop in the All-Star game. Thus is his popularity in New York.

3b: Alex Rodriguez

of: Magglio Ordonez, Vladimir Guerrero, Mark Teahen

Yup, I did it. I shilled for the hometown star. Ichiro and Grady Sizemore both deserve to be starters, and Gary Sheffield's having a nice, quiet All-Star year, but... okay, I can't really justify voting for Mark Teahen, except to say the Royals pushed me to do it. I mean, not directly, but I figure if the outfielder who's batting .377 with 13 HRs and 68 RBIs can't crack the top 6 in voting (that's Magglio, trailing even Bobby Abreu, who New Yorkers are really beginning to disfavor), then why does my vote matter?

See, this is why I could never make it in politics.

Hey, I'm just glad baseball's popular enough that a Vote for Rory-like campaign could never possibly work here in the U.S.A.

...It couldn't, right?

POSTSCRIPT: In case you were wondering, WE TOO WILL NOT TALK ABOUT PARIS HILTON.