Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Canadians are evil, don't support the Blue Jays

Solitary and dogged. A raw hill country. Aluminum houses. At times they could see stretches of the interstate highway below them through the bare stands of secondgrowth timber. Cold and growing colder.
-- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Incidentally, the landscape in the novel as "barren, silent, godless" is also a fairly accurate description of Toronto... or, extrapolating slightly, all of Canada.

Tonight's 6:07 CT game pitting Jorge De La Rosa (1-0, 1.29 ERA) against Gustavo Chacin (0-0, 4.50 ERA) marks a relieving blessitude: the final time the Royals have to play in Canada in 2007, barring a miracle that enables the Blue Jays -- Tom Verducci's pick to be the AL's most disappointing team -- to make the postseason. After today, no more Mounties in their Red Serges and Smokey Bear hats, no more tree-huggers (until the West coast road trip, anyway), no more overly polite soy-coffee sippers and ehs and jaaahs.

On the field, it should be interesting to see how De La Rosa follows up on his seven-inning, one-run gem against Detroit. And if the triple is the most exciting play in baseball, then the most exciting player has to be Tony Pena Jr., who needs 18 more triples to set a team record (Willie Wilson had 21 in 1985). At this pace, he'll do it by late May.

And in case you need a reason to root against the Blue Jays, just know this: last year, Canada's Department of Fisheries allowed its countrymen to kill 335,000 seals, many of them looking like this, I'm sure.

So remember: Canadians hate baby seals. Let's put a face on this evil, shall we? Here's a picture of a hakapik-wielding Canuck:

The horror!

(Almost as horrifying as the thought of The Road being an Oprah's Book Club selection... until I realized that Oprah somehow leveraged this into the world's first ever television interview with America's greatest living writer!!! I can't adequately express how shocked I am by this, except to say that if aliens in 2,000 years need proof that Oprah was the most powerful human to ever live, this is it. The man is notoriously difficult to track down -- there are about a half dozen photographs of him known to exist (and this guy is living), and while some people have tried to get him on camera, I've never actually seen him in a moving picture. I'm not in the least embarrassed to admit I signed up for Oprah's Book Club mailing list so that I would "be among the first to find out when Oprah's exclusive interview with Cormac McCarthy will air.")

Reading Copy, Critical Mass (where you'll find a link to McCarthy's only published interview, in 1992), Paper Mag and GADNY have more.


  1. Please do not use my photograph on your anti-Canadian blog. My photo, which you linked to, is of a baby Galapagos sea lion and it has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on in Canada. The fact that you posted that image for this topic makes you look silly and not very credible. Even though I don't necessarily agree with what's happening up north, it needs to be pointed out that Canadians do not hunt juvenile seals at any time.

    Modest (of Modest and Jill on flickr)

  2. Dear Modest,

    Thank you for bringing this to my attention. But I should like to point out that this is, in fact, not an anti-Canadian blog, and that I actually appreciate and respect many Canadian values. It is, however -- inasmuch as it is an equal part anti-every-team-but-the-Royals-of-Major-League-Baseball blog -- an anti-Toronto-Blue-Jays blog, thus the jab at their countrymen's practice -- not traditional, I realize, but nonetheless -- of killing seals.

    In short, my only intent was to make a joke, and I'm sorry if it came out any other way.

    If you insist I take down the picture, I would be happy to comply. I should also point out that usually I'm very good with attributing photos, but this one I found in a cache on my computer from somewhere or other and could not find the originating URL. For that I do apologize and offer -- because it's better late than never -- a tip of the hat:


  3. UPDATE, 10/14/08:

    Oops... just realized the photo Modest and Jill referred to is the one I LINKED to, not the one on the page of the seal killer. In which case... okay, I readily admit I was not able to tell the difference between a baby sea lion and a seal, but... c'mon. Just c'mon...