"It seemed unprovoked"

This is a Royals blog, true, but sometimes we have to breach our narrow boundaries (growing narrower with every 4-run, 0.2-inning outing from Zack Greinke) to better express our infatuation and undying amusement for this crazy game called baseball.

Take this video:



Coming out of the commercial break for the top of the 8th, you'll notice that Don Orsillo, the play-by-play man, is giggling uncontrollably. I've been told by someone who had satellite feed of the game that during the break, NESN producers ran the replay of the pizza toss on loop, causing Orsillo to nearly have a heart attack.

Eventually, around the 1:41 mark in the video, color commentator Jerry Remy starts hitting his stride. The complete transcript:

Remy: I don't know why it was necessary. Now watch -- I can't circle it, I don't have my telestrator today, but wa… HERECOMESAPIZZA see it?

Orsilla laughs.

Remy: OH! Jeez.

Orsilla: Highly unnecessary.

Remy: The guy with the Patriots jacket, and of course he's been asked to leave the ball game for ruining a good piece of pizza.

Orsilla laughs.

Remy, laughing: He's got beer all over him… and here comes…

Orsilla, squealing: …a slice of pizza!

Remy: Why did he do that? Because he thought he was interfering with the play? That seemed totally unnecessary.

Orsilla: Just now getting the pizza off him.

Remy: He was hot for a while, but I think the pizza thrower apologized and he seemed to cool off a little bit, but I'd be kinda ticked off myself if somebody fired a pepperoni pizza on me.

Orsilla: Well, J.C. Romero is into the game here to pitch the eighth.

Remy: It seemed unprovoked, too.

Orsilla: It really did.

Remy: He just let it fly. One more look in slow motion if we can, and here's the Patrio… HEREITCOMES!

Orsilla: I'm going to throw my pizza!

Remy: The only thing, he didn't hit him with the cheese side. He hit him with the…

Orsilla: Sauce first.

Remy: That was an awful sight here at Fenway. That is not tolerated in this ballpark, he has been ejected and never again allowed to buy pizza.

Orsilla: Not so friendly.
...As Cabrera leads it off.

Remy: And think about how much it costs for a piece of pizza. I mean, would you just fire it at some guy?

Orsilla: I personally would not, no. I wonder about the thought process though.

Remy: "Well honey, I'm going to the ball game today, and if I see some guy I'm going to throw a piece of pizza at him."

The video cuts off before NESN shows a close-up of the pizza resting on the railing and Remy saying, "I tell ya what, I would eat that. That looks pretty good."

The best part is, the guy who threw the pizza -- a full slice, mind you, which probably cost $5 -- was wearing a Patriots jacket. I don't know why that makes it funnier, but I think it has something to do with the fact that Patriots fans are generally bullheaded, cheeky, obnoxious and exactly the kind of people who would do something like this. The image of him turning 180 degrees in his seat, placing a slice of pizza on his hand, then launching it like a catapult for no apparent reason ("It seemed unprovoked") is seared into my head, and it's making me laugh every time I think about it. I hope I'm not at a funeral someday and suddenly recall this image.

Someone please tell me this was an only-in-Boston moment. Gordon Edes, writing in the Boston Globe, referenced the pizza toss in the lead of his game story. My roommate, who's from Rhode Island, has watched this video at least eight times now. You gotta love baseball.