Welcoming Miguel Olivo

Here's...

• the news: The Kansas City Royals have signed catcher Miguel Olivo to a one-year contract for 2008. The Royals and Olivo each hold options for the 2009 season. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.
  
  
• the reaction (Royals Review): This is the second consecutive year that Dayton Moore has brought in an established catcher to play with John Buck. Is he trying to replace Buck? Push Buck? Or does he just like to have an expensive but steady back up to Buck? Next year Buck will be 27 and Olivo will be 29. Anyway, this is big news and Olivo will certainly make the team better.
  
  
• the analysis (Royals Authority): Given that both are at least average, if not above average, defensive catchers, I think we might see Trey Hillman ride whomever is hot at this position. Neither is going to tear up the league for months on end, but a scenario where Buck might play virtually everyday for three weeks, followed by Olivo everyday for the next three may well be what occurs in 2008.
  
  
• and the quote of the day from GMDM: "Miguel is a talented catcher with a power bat and a very strong throwing arm. With him and John Buck, they form one of the most powerful catching duos in baseball."
  

Welcome to Kansas City, Miguel.

Now, it's likely that you come with some misconceptions about our city and the state of Kansas (hey, who doesn't?), and you may be wondering, "How does one survive when landlocked?" No worries... we here at IDWT have prepared a handy primer for you -- all you need to know about this wonderful slice of Middle America.

1. The Kansas City Royals play in Missouri. Jackson County, to be exact. It's not a bad place, though we don't recommend getting a flat tire on the side of the highway near the stadium at night, especially if you don't have a cell phone. Trust us, we speak from experience.
   
   
2. It is inaccurate to say you're from Kansas City, Kansas, when you're not from the actual suburb called Kansas City, Kansas (KCK, in local parlance). When you're out in the world and hear someone say he or she is from "Kansas City, Kansas," it's 90 percent more likely that that person is from -- in order of likelihood -- Overland Park, Olathe, Leawood or Lenexa, all of which are suburbs of Kansas City, on the Kansas side (that's the accurate way of putting it).
   
   
3. In Kansas, we are not all Republican assholes. Some of us are Republican and not all that bad. Some of us are Republican but just confused. And some of us -- brace yourself now -- aren't actually Republican! Hooray!
   
   
4. People love the Plaza too much (even though Kansas City is nicknamed the "City of Fountains" because of the area), and most people couldn't tell you why they enjoy Westport (it's the only hotspot for KC nightlife), and the reason for this is because there's no downtown to speak of. Well, that's not true. Kansas City has a fine downtown area, though no one knows this because no one actually goes downtown except for the free Memorial Day concert in front of the World War I Memorial.
   
   
5. In order now: Plaza III, Ruth's Chris, Jess and Jim's (reasonable people can differ, of course).
   
   
6. What you've heard about everyone being nice here is true enough that you can consider it a fact. And it's also true that the girls here are very quite lovely, and I don't necessarily mean lovely in an euphemistic, "homely and pretty enough, but not all that hot" way. Some of the girls here are genuinely attractive, even indescribably good-looking, the product of a healthy diet of wheat and wholesome values. Of course, many of them are 17, so be careful.
   
   
7. You'll be having a Boulevard Wheat.
   
   
8. Royals fans are not fickle. They're just desperate for a winner. Actually, all of Kansas City is. The story of our area's sports teams is rife with heartbreak: Chiefs in 2003-04, 1997-08, 1996-07; Jayhawks basketball in 1996-97, et al.; Wildcats football in 1998-99. The only team that's won anything in the last 19 years here is the Wizards, and they play soccer. So anyway, Royals fans are not fickle. Kansas City was a baseball town before Lamar Hunt -- rest his soul -- brought football, and even then, for a long time, Kansas City remained a baseball town. It will be again soon enough.
   
   
9. The Fox and Hound is a really big bar with a lot of games and lovely waitresses. This wouldn't be noteworthy if not for the fact that it's located in Overland Park, aka Suburbia, U.S.A., tucked behind a Denny's at the intersection of Metcalf and 103rd Street.
   
   
10. If you're looking for places to take the family on the weekend, try: the Nelson-Atkins Art Gallery; your local bowling alley; Longview Lake or Shawnee Mission Park (in the summer); Shakespeare in the Park; the Kansas City Symphony; T-Bones Independent League baseball; your neighbor's backyard barbeque.
    
    

Welcome to Kansas City, Miguel. Basically, say nice things about the city, draw walks (more walks), and don't shoot any reporters with a BB gun and we'll get along just fine. Now, if you were to hit 25 home runs with a .350 OBP, we'll shower you with more praise than you can handle, Bob Dutton will, unsolicited, write a 1,200-word feature about you, and maybe you'd even get to shake the hand of Joe Posnanski, the best sports columnist in the country. We can all dream, right?