Saturday, September 1, 2007

Clay Buchholz: Big Bully, Computer Bandit

Clay Buchholz just wrapped up the first no-hitter tossed by a rookie in Red Sox history when this IM came through to Kalan's computer:

[22:19] d---000: NO WAY
[22:19] d---000: go to the bitchers [sic] wiki
[22:19] d---000: NOW
[22:19] d---000: pitchers
[22:20] d---000:
[22:20] d---000: aww its gone!!
[22:20] d---000: "He also threw a no-hitter against the Baltimore Orioles on September 1, 2007, in only his second Major League start, proving that being a good athlete makes people forgot that you're a douchebag who steals computers from little kids."
[22:20] d---000: thats what it said

That's not the first mention on Wikipedia of Buchholz's laptop banditry. Via a Yankees forum:

From his Wiki

Growing up in Lumberton, Texas, Buchholz played baseball for the local youth baseball leagues until High School. After High School, Clay attended McNeese State University for a short period before transferring to Angelina College. He was drafted, at age 20, by the Boston Red Sox in the supplemental first round (42nd pick) of the 2005 draft. Other teams passed on him because Buchholz had been arrested for stealing 29 laptops from his high school and selling them. Buchholz started his first spring training game in 2007 against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. He pitched 4.2 innings, gave up 7 hits and 3 runs, while recording 3 strikeouts.

This is a Yankees forum, you're thinking -- lies, damned lies with anything Red Sox related. But wait, there's a second source: "JD" posted on an MLB Trade Rumors entry, "oh LOL Clay Buchholz was arrested in high school for stealing a few dozen laptops from his school.... dee dee dee!"

Perhaps his source was Wikipedia. Perhaps it was the Yankees forum. Perhaps -- as the cryptic and sort of deranged "dee dee dee" makes it possible to believe -- he was the non compos mentis progenitor of the rumor. But let's assume for a second that the rumor is true, that Buchholz snatched some computers when he was green and easy under Texas boughs... so what? The guy just became the first Red Sox rookie to throw a no-hitter. Ever. We kinda wish he did steal from little kids -- what have they ever done but cry their crocodile tears and hoard candy?

In short... Buchholz threw a no-hitter in his second career Major League start in the holy holy Fenway Park, and all sins have been absolved.

POSTSCRIPT: The best part of the no-hitter came during the celebratory huddle, when Josh Beckett shouted too loudly with a camera in his face, "Lot better than Curt Schilling! Lot better than Curt Schilling!"

POSTSCRIPT 2: Jason Veritek just plopped himself in the Red Sox press room wearing a white, baggy frock, unadorned and spotless except for a small Nike swoosh across the chest. What the hell?

UPDATE, 9/3: Buchholz's Wikipedia entry has been amended to include this sentence:
"Some clubs passed on him in the draft because he was arrested in April 2004 and charged with stealing laptop computers from a middle school, but the Red Sox said it was a one-time incident and that they weren't worried about his makeup."


  1. Even Yankee fans are right sometimes.

    Congrats on the no-no, but:

    "In 2004, during his only year at Division 1 McNeese State in Lake Charles, La., he and a classmate were arrested for stealing 29 laptop computers from Lumberton (Texas) Intermediate School."

  2. you know what?! i grew up with clay so i know him personally. yeah he made a mistake but it was the only one in the 24 years ive known him that he has ever done anything bad...and i mean anything! if it wasn't for our highschool friend who clay was protecting he wouldn't have even been there. so lay off of him and his ONE mistake! all kids do stupid stuff, but for one to only do something wrong one time is amazing.