Congratulations, Boston Red Sox. In the wake of your recent championship run -- the second in four years, if you've lost count -- you leave so many in a blaze of sadness that we're reminded (inadvertently) of California wildfires. We can't imagine how hard the Indians and Angels and Yankees and maybe four other American League teams are kicking themselves right now, thinking, That could have been us mauling those minor leaguers.
Red Sox Nation, we hope you can sleep at night knowing your team has left entire fan bases feeling wretched and deprived. Just look at Eric Wedge and Todd Helton. I mean, seriously...
Barry Chin/Boston Globe; Jonathan Daniel/Getty
Of course, you don't care, what between your beer goggles and Mass Street riots. But that's okay. Get drunk, New England. You won't have another chance to celebrate like this until February, when that other team of yours finishes disposing of chumps like the "Pittsburgh Steelers," "Indianapolis Colts" and "Dallas Cowboys."
Onward, Nation! More exclamation marks! Procreate and be merry!