Busting out the whopping sticks

Here are the Cleveland announcers' calls of each of the Royals' four home runs last night. See if you can discern the dejection in their voices near the end.

HR #1, 2nd inning, none out, after the Royals have cut a 3-0 deficit to 3-2 in the previous frame:

Announcer 2: I don't care how good your arm is, if you're pitching from a 2-0, 3-1 count all the time, in hitters' counts, they're gonna get'cha.

[CRACK]

Announcer 1: Buck may have (Announcer 2: There it is) just gotten Lee. (Announcer 2: Yup.) Deep to left and... gone. Into the fountains. We're tied at three. John Buck's fifth home run of the year off left-handed pitching. And it's a rocky start for Cliff Lee tonight, already the fifth hit he's allowed.

HR #2: 2nd inning, one out, runner on first, 5-3 Royals:

Announcer 1: Mike Sweeney and Indians reliever Roberto Hernandez were teammates here in Kansas City, and Roberto was saying, "I've seen Mike Sweeney hit balls over his head, in the dirt, outside, inside," said he's just one of those freaky hitters who can put the bat on the ball wherever it's pitched. [SMACK] (Announcer 2: Like that.) And he hits one deep to left... back goes [David] Delucci... a two-run homer for Mark Sweeney [sic]. Mike Sweeney's 196th career homer, and Cliff Lee getting tattooed tonight.

HR #3, 5th inning, one out, Alex Gordon up, 7-4 Royals:

Announcer 1: Cliff Lee, the frustrating element here, six in a row he's set down and now he's behind a guy batting a buck-90, three and 0. (Announcer 2: Well he is just...) [BOOM] Launched! Deep to right! And way out of here. Gordon's third home run of the year, and the Royals now lead it eight to four.

Announcer 2: My, have the times changed. Guy hitting a buck-90, 3-0 count, and he lets him swing the bat and he hits the home run.

(Personally, I think this one could have been better done this way:

Announcer: Alex Gordon at the plate. Swing and a drive, way back... we got twoooooo words for ya... JESUS RISES!

Sorry, I know I swore off the apotheosizing.)

HR #4, 8th inning, 2 outs, runner on second, Royals up 9-5:

Announcer 1: He's got Grudzielanek in a 1-2 hole. And he hits it deep to left. Delucci with a long run... it's gone. Two-run homer for Mark Grudzielanek. And it's now 11-5 Royals.

Announcer 2: That is their fourth home run of the evening. And they came into the day with 33 and 12th in the league. They have left the yard, and a mistake pitch by [Fernando] Cabrera; for Grudzielanek, it's his second home run, a hanging breaking ball, middle in, it says, "Hit me," and he did. It's a two-run home run.

I'll give these announcers credit, even though they did take a cheap shot at Kansas City fans for cheering for donuts so much last year (hey, did your team lose 100 games?): they maintained their professionalism. But this was still a fun exercise. We'll do this again next time the Royals play the White Sox.

POSTSCRIPT: I thought that the Right Guard, "Look, a deer" commercial was insufferable the 80th time around, but man, this Dick's Sporting Goods MLB.tv ad is even worse. You think they could've found some real actors, like for that Yankees fan? "It's about doing. What it takes. To win." Whatever dude. Everyone knows that's a cliche.