Now batting, No. 23 -- Zack Greinke

In his lead, the Kansas City Star's Bob Dutton tells us, "Don't be shocked if Zack Greinke makes an appearance this weekend against the Colorado Rockies -- as a pinch-hitter."

Uh, actually, I would be very shocked. I can envision Grienke going up to take a cut if he's on the mound as a long reliever, but getting sent up as a pinch hitter? Apparently this settles the longstanding question, Who's the best hitter among Royals pitchers? -- the statistics bear this out: in four professional at-bats, Greinke has a slugging percentage of 1.000, thanks to a solo home run -- but I have a very tough time picturing our wispy star reliever striding to the plate.

There are two ways to read Dutton's article: as a tongue-in-cheek game preview that pokes fun at itself, as with quotes like, "Yes! I guess that means I should be having BP soon to get my bat hot"; or as evidence of a really slow day in the Royals clubhouse. What else might compel a beat writer to report:

Bell also knows how National League games, particularly at Coors, can chew through a roster. That’s why he cites Greinke, under certain circumstances, as a possible pinch-hitter for a poorer-hitting pitcher.

Circumstances, hmm... like when one runs out of position players? Or is that too obvious?

We're not trying to be critical here -- honestly, Dutton's a fine beat writer -- but you're telling us Joakim Soria isn't planning a big 23rd birthday bash? Angel Berroa didn't offer up any colorful quotes? Brandon Duckworth's newborn didn't produce a story angle?

And then, there's this unexplored question: How will Buddy Bell manage Interleague series in the NL? Is it possible he'll cause the Royals to lose by forfeit after running out of players?

Who's shuddering?

POSTSCRIPT: As we continue our troll through the KC Star, we've fished up this first quarter-season review from our inspiring light, Dayton Moore. He says the team is "much better that we've shown," and if you look at this boxlet, you'll see evidence that he is, as always, correct in his assessment.